n. a reason, an explanation

sometimes it feels so far away, those days when i’d hang out with friends in that corner of our school with the huts, reading out loud to each other, and playing poker and getting caught, and playing tag around the football field, and sitting in the middle of that same field telling stories with flashlights shining on our faces, and getting told off by school guards because “there are snakes there, they might bite”, and claiming corners of the library for dnd while trying our hardest not to burst out laughing when the stupid bard decides to fight the troll with a song and fucking wins when he rolls a 20, and playing scrabble games at ignatius park under the searing heat of a setting sun just because it’s a space we tried very hard to own, and going ghost hunting at arrupe with a ouija board and a glass and a coin and a lot of disbelief, and sharing music and blasting each other for liking justin bieber and lady gaga and click five and the latest pop song that plays a hundred times a day, and hiding behind library shelves for hours looking for the next great book to read and show to everyone, and drawing ugly doodles of what it’s like for a bunch of bored teenagers looking to make sense of college and life in general, and writing terrible poems with violent line cuts and ugly rhymes and awful imagery, and screaming and cursing and throwing books at each other when the plot twist is revealed, and walking around the city when all the energy dies down and all that’s left is to eat together at mcdonald’s and get told off again for being a bit too rowdy, and going our separate ways but taking way too long to say goodbye because nobody wants to leave but they have sucky curfews and he’s got homework and the other five just really want to sleep, and then doing the exact same things the next day but not in the same order and not in the same way just enough to make it feel like we were doing something with our lives, and knowing that we were doing something with our lives that made us happy, or less lonely at the very least.

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